Old Habits, Die Hard

When your default is making you feel bad, it’s definitely time to change the setting!  

Old habits die hard, and while I still haven’t managed to quell my desire for reality TV (shh don’t tell anyone!) I’m working on another more insidious habit…the old familiar habit of negative thinking that had crept back into my narrative recently.

It might come as a surprise to people given what I do, but yup, more often than not recently when the going got tough I was thinking…’I can’t’, ‘I’m not good enough’, or something of a similar nature… Somewhat like Oscar the Grouch…but less cute and quirky…and with more tears!

These limiting beliefs have been so second nature for so much of my life that they easily take up space if I’m not careful, and once they take hold it can be a downward spiral. 

Running up a hill too slow? Not good enough

Climbing a new wall, and pushing for a hold just beyond my reach? I can’t

Running down some technical terrain with a couple of fast dudes? I’m too small, and it’s so much harder for me

Talk about a pity party, and becoming a Debbie Downer.  I was on a downward spiral and it took a gentle word and a courageous conversation from someone close to point out to me just how down I had become on myself.

I tell you what, my initial reaction was defensive and something along the lines of “look at all I’ve done – and all I’m doing” I’m constantly pushing beyond my comfort zone.   I could make all sorts of excuses for how these beliefs had crept back in and I did, but at the end of the day, it was time to take responsibility for my thoughts and bring them back to expansive, rather than limiting thoughts.

It’s not easy, changing habits and beliefs that have been held for so long, and I find it so strange that we can repeat thoughts and behaviours that continually make us feel bad, simply because we’ve let those thoughts become our norm in the worst kind of ground-hog day ever.

So now, instead of ‘I can’t’ I’m asking ‘how can I?’ and instead of ‘I’m too small’ I’m thinking ‘how can I adapt this for me’, and the real killer ‘I’m not good enough’, well, that’s a question of ‘who says so?’ and quite simply ‘I AM good enough’ In asking these expansive questions I get to open up the energy and the possibilities and create the outcome I desire, rather than focusing on perceived shortcomings and feeling bad.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Wanting to feel better but not taking charge of my thoughts was my moment of insanity. So, I’ll be doing my best to remember this next time that pesky little devil on the shoulder is trying to coax me into Victim Town.  I’ll flick it off and take a trip to Masterville instead. It can be as simple as thinking a different thought and asking a different question.

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