domestic violence

Domestic or family violence can be physical, sexual, psychological or financial and can include neglect. Below is a basic outline of the different types of abuse. Domestic abuse is used to control another person or manipulate their behaviour.

psychological

  • Making you feel like everything you do is wrong.
  • Constantly criticising you or your friends.
  • Humiliating you in front of your friends.
  • Using unsafe driving to frighten you.
  • Damaging property/walls/possessions to scare you.
  • Blaming everything on you.
  • Threatening to take the children away or hurt them.
  • Stalking, following, checking up on you.
  • Harming pets to punish you.
  • Making you feel scared of what might happen next.

financial

  • Taking your money or property.
  • Running up debts in your name.
  • Misusing power of attorney.
  • Pressuring you into paying money.
 

Physical

  • Hitting and punching.
  • Biting, pushing, choking or pulling your hair.
  • Making you drink or take drugs when you don’t want to.
  • Using or threatening to use weapons.

sexual

  • Forcing you to have sex or do other sexual acts you don’t want to do.
  • Touching you in a way you don’t want.
  • Frequently accusing you of sleeping with other people.
  • Forcing you to watch porn.

moments in time - my story

**The following stories are graphic and may be upsetting – please take care and refer to the crisis line information here if you need help or advice.

His hands around my throat. Me up against our bedroom wall. His breath hot on my face, spittle flying as he spat his venom and hatred all over me. It was all my fault of course, it always was. Me begging him to stop, pleading, I’m sorry – I won’t do (whatever I had done wrong) again. Please. Just. Stop.

Me, on my knees in the living room, weeping, as he again accused me of cheating on him. I had no words left, no way to defend myself when nothing I could say would change his way of thinking. I was a slut, no one else would want me.

The car came skidding to a halt, he had pulled the handbrake –  again – while we were driving at speed screeching the car to a halt off to the side of the country road on which we were driving. No one around, the massive adrenaline dump caused by the sudden stop coursing through my body. Thinking, is he going to kill us one day? Will his anger literally drive us to our death?

It’s so hard when you’re in it, to see the damage it is doing.  You hope, pray and believe they are going to change.  The most important thing is getting yourself safe.  If you think you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please, reach out for help.

Domestic violence is so complex.  It can be one, or a mix of many of the behaviours listed above. Check out the Are You OK? website for more info and to take the positive relationship quiz.